Falling out of …love

Falling in love is a beautiful feeling, right? It makes you do silly, unimaginable things. Things you’d not even think of doing otherwise. Some other things you should have been doing already but it is after falling in love that you realize that, well, let’s spend 2 extra minutes in front of the mirror. Olive colour suits me, but maybe red suits me better. Yes, I have a paper to submit but staying back in college, watching a stupid cricket match till 5 means a few extra hours with them. What are the unimaginable things, you’d ask? Rushing out in heavy rain to buy chocolates for them. Staying up all night talking to them. Doing anything and everything possible to spend time with them. 

Love, and falling in love can be very liberating. It gives you a new motive to live. It gives you immense joy. It makes you take risks. It makes you fall in love with yourself too, and that my friend, is the best thing about love. You feel important because you are made to feel important. You are made to feel loved, admired, cared for, special, and so very lucky. What is as fortunate as experiencing a requited love story? To love someone irrevocably and get back the same, with same passion and equal zeal. Not everyone experiences that. And if you have experienced that, for a year, a month, a moment..feel free to consider yourself extremely fortunate, or extremely unfortunate. Why unfortunate? Because that moment does come to an end. The year, the month, the moment, does break. 

Sad that people fall out of love. If you’re the first one to experience the pangs of love-less-ness, the experience can accompany suffocation, and guilt. Guilt of hurting the one you once very dearly loved. Guilt of breaking the promises you swore your heart onto. Suffocation because you no longer feel what you did but you have to keep on trying. But what do you do? Love comes naturally and never forcefully. You either love, or you don’t love. How do you continue the act of love, even if you’re an actor, or a thespian?

If the wrath of the love-less-ness decides to crush you harder, and you’re the last one to fall out of love, or even worse, you have not fallen out of love at all, what do you do? If, in case you’re in a position to do anything. You try to watch something light hearted, it does not work. You cannot concentrate and also the swollen eyes hurt. You listen to some music, you play ‘Koi Labda’ by Sanam Marvi and the moment she echoes, ‘Har kisi nu ni milda, mann mangiya dildaar’.. You have another meltdown. Why won’t you? Did you not have what most of the people do not get? A mann mangiya dildaar? You cry in weak moments, when you gain some strength you try to make sense of things that look absolutely non-sense. All of a sudden life does not make sense. How would it? And, why would it? Life made sense when you were with them, right? That is how you had envisioned life. That is how you had envisaged yourself. With them. In love.

Time either heals the wounds, or you learn to accept the wounds. You scratch them and make them bleed in the beginning, but then there come days when you don’t even look at those wounds. And on one of those bright days your brain gives you a bright idea. Why can’t falling out of love be liberating too? Why can’t falling out of love open new avenues to you? What would you want, to be with someone who has fallen out of love with you, or go out there, try new things, be vulnerable, but also experience life, the moments with new people, at new places. And, make new memories. The memories you have with them are with you, right? They cannot take them away with them. Take that. Cherish that. Keep that safe before it gets covered with the rust of bitterness. And then, move on. To a new world, to new opportunities, to new people, to new experiences, to new places.